Coca-Cola® Keep Out!

                                                                                                                          Coca-Cola® Keep Out!

 

Despite having posted signs at the inner and outer limits of my mind that read — Stay Out!  Private Property!  NO TRESPASSING! — Coca-Cola® continues to send me ideas, and thus I cannot stop thinking about Coca-Cola®. In response to this continued disregard of my own individual wishes that the unrelenting infiltration of unwanted ideas stop, I have gone so far as to routinely play recorded announcements on and along the inner and outer limits of my mind emphatically decreeing:  DO NOT ENTER!  THIS AREA IS RESTRICTED!    UNAUTHORIZED ENTRANCE NOT PERMITTED!  I ONLY DRINK TAR WATER! 

Now I know you are thinking that I am being rude, and that I should be more welcoming of foreigners into my being, but before you jump to any such critical conclusions you must understand that I didn't just use any voice for these warning announcements; I spent a lot of time looking for the most delicately accommodating and friendly voice to deliver these caveats. I even went as far as to hire a Los Angles based marketing firm that creates friendly voice-messages for airports and shopping malls. (The company also employs professional female artists who have done voice-overs for Disney films!) Seeing as these friendly messages did little to curb Coca-Cola’s® intrusion into my spiritual-hub, it could be argued that this approach to dealing with trespassing ideas was in and of itself a mistake and I should have neither been accommodating nor friendly in my appeals to Coca-Cola’s® sympathies:  I should have sought a much more forceful voice of admonition. But I like to consider myself to be a civil and friendly kind of guy, and my only intention was, has been, and still is to make clear that any unwanted thoughts are not welcomed in my acts of consciousness. (I am only just beginning to suspect that Coca-Cola® is not ready to respect my requests regardless of how I approach the issue.) I like resolving conflicts without undue confrontations. (I’ve learned a lot since getting my ass kicked by Syrians). 

After all unsuccessful attempts to politely keep Coca-a-Cola® off my personal and private property, I have decided to hire a lawyer and sue the Coca-Cola® Company for illegal entry and advertising without permission. It is bad enough I have to see their billboards everywhere, but the fact that they keep entering my mind—entering the stock of my ragout—is just outright disrespectful! Since the Coca-Cola® Corporation holds the patent and trademark to Coca-Cola® (which by modern standards can only be considered abstractions of the physical cola products on grocery store shelves) it must be true that the idea of Coke is really all that they want to own; otherwise they wouldn’t keep selling themselves so limitlessly consumable as cans or bottles. Seeing that the only thing Coca-Cola® truly wants is the idea of itself then they should be responsible for the whereabouts of these said ideas. And as you know by now, despite my continued appeal that they should desist, Coca-Cola® keeps delivering me their ideas. It is therefore Coca-Cola’s® duty to keep their product, as it is a protected idea (see ®), strictly on the supermarket shelves and not in my mind. Furthermore, since these ideas as patented and trademarked — the ideas with which Coca-Cola® leads us to believe are not the actual and real products of my desires but in truth, these said abstractions, are really the only thing worth having — they, Coca-Cola®, should be responsible for the whereabouts of any and all related ideas:  as legally owned abstractions limited to and as defined in ®.  Coke® it’s the real thing.                                                                                                                

      Additionally, Coca-Cola® has even spoiled Christmas for me, considering I prefer a Santa Claus clad in green, but I will not sue them for this because I like Santa regardless of the color of his suit. Coca-Cola® owns these patented ideas and trademarked images, not me, and they, therefore, not only belong to Mr. Coca-Cola’s® act of consciousness, but that’s where they should remain! Accordingly, it can be said that Coca-Cola® has willfully and negligently entered my mind (which happens to fall within my individual self) without any prior agreement. As a truly finite individual I hereby accuse Coca-Cola® of repeated violation of my being and wish to be compensated accordingly. They’ll be hearing from my lawyer.